IGNORING SOMEONE WHO IS ANNOYING YOU    by Michael Grose

Teasing is common in schools, just as it is in families.

It would be great to think it doesn’t exist, but it does. Sometimes teasing starts out as good natured banter but ends up annoying or with name calling. Socially-skilled people have strategies to handle provocation effectively so they are not continually provoked or annoyed. Suitable strategies include telling people to stop assertively, ignoring the annoying comments, using self-deprecating humour or moving away. Kids need a range of strategies they can use if one fails. Less socially skilled kids who are reliant on one strategy get frustrated and can lose their temper if they haven’t a range of skills to draw on.

TIPS

1 Talk to your children about the notion of behavioural pay-offs. That is, kids will usually tease or annoy others when they can predict the pay-off their behaviour receives. So if teasing is met with a rather predictable whinge they will more than likely continue the teasing because they enjoy the pay-off.

2 Kids need to develop a range of responses, and even practise them within their family.

3 One way children can respond to teasing or annoying behaviour is to stay cool, stand tall, look the other person in the eye, use a firm voice and say, “That’s enough!” or a similar, simple assertive statement. This should be practised in the mirror at home a number of times until they feel comfortable.

WINNING AND LOSING WELL   by Michael Grose

Playing games requires that you win well and lose well.

Put another way – kids need to learn to win without rubbing others’ noses in it, and lose gracefully without throwing tantrums and making excuses. Wanting to win is natural, but they need to do so in a way that they maintain a relationship with other players so they will play again. Losing may make kids feel bad, but kids need to control their negative feelings so that others will play with them again.

TIPS

1 Encourage children to keep their winning ‘low key’ and comment genuinely on the efforts of other players.

2 Winners shouldn’t boast, imply that winning was easy or remark how poorly the other side played.

3 Encourage children who lose to congratulate the winner and smile. They need to put on a ‘game face’, rather than stomp off in a bad mood.

4 Good losers keep trying even though they won’t win; don’t devalue the game and don’t whinge. They also help pack up the game when it’s over.